10 “Can I buy you’s” for business networking and jobiness!

May 17, 2007

10. A round of golf. I stink but I love to golf, so you’d win and I could boost your ego. Also, you’re super rad.

9. A drink. Or not. While I don’t drink, I’m all about buying a drink for a future boss in the hopes that a few brain cells get killed before I say “You da man now, dawg!

8. A Bugatti Veyron. Well, actually, that’s supposed to file under “10 ‘I Can’t Buy You’s But I Want to So Gimme A Job”. Fair ’nuff?

7. Some catchy, zany office supply item with your company logo and my name on it, with my future job title. The job title sounds very important and is wholly awesome.

6. A kitten. We’ve all seen posts online that the poor kitten is going to be shot if somebody doesn’t give someone what they want. Hint hint. (But watch out, they fight back.)


5. Lunch at Fogo de Chao. Lemme tell you, if you haven’t had Brazilian churrasco, you haven’t lived. Trust me on this one.  Mmm… meat.

4. ‘Stros tix. I’ve heard that more cush jobs have been handed out in the 7th inning stretch than all other innings combined. I don’t know what that means, no. It just sounded statistic-y and I’m short on statistics for this list. And truthiness.

3. A man-icure. If you’re a lady (and I hope you are, because boss-lady is more fun to say than boss-man), you’ll see I’m not afraid to have my cuticles mangled and don’t cry under pressure (sniffle). It’s that or tix to the gun show. Take your pick. (whispers: gun show)

I've got my tickets, do YOU?

2. My favorite business book. Or your favorite business book. Or Oprah’s favorite book this month. Books. People don’t read enough books these days. @#$% bloggers! Er…

1. A singing telegram. While you may not hire me, I guarantee you will never forget me. And that means I win. Insert maniacal laugh here. Or a maniacal singing telegram.

News at 11.


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